Swallowed

Mourning Grey Tears

He flew down in raven form
Dark silky hair and deep eyes, talons set to clutch something soft
Perched on the highest limb, narrowed focus on my open heart
I painted my pain on his chest after the first betrayal, and asked him –
Is love worth protecting?
I bathed him in my tears, after the second betrayal, and asked him –
What is there without truth?
He hoarded infidelities, like they were candied jewels to build his nest
Chattering lies while declaring love
I wrote my sorrow in the sky
Words that sucked up the warmth of the night, spit out winters breath –
Infested my heart with devastation that crept into an icy catacomb of hopelessness
His razor beak shattering it into crystal splinters that spilled onto the concrete steps
Each shard a lyrical chime of loss
I asked him to look at the sunlight on the wall and tell me –
Why aren’t your actions shadows of your words?
But his response was to fly into the sky and puncture the stars until darkness swallowed my voice
I will always be his haunting; his ghost wrapped around me beneath my skin
He will keep me a mystery –
Put me in a dusty corner of his mind, where the breeze never stirs, behind the 13th door
He’ll scratch at the soft earth, bury my name and fly on
He wanted my love and devotion
While he gave his to the magpie, her deceitful nest full of sorrow and bones, life leeched from lovers by her acid soul
He wanted to wring from me every drop of life –
Then leave me in the field like a brittle scarecrow…
Vacant eyes, empty heart, wordless voice…
Waiting for someone to come along and cut open my mouth
So I could scream my piercing pain
Let it bounce off of the crumbling mountains
Let the wind carry it until it found him and tucked itself beneath his wings
Ferrying him until the day his barren, corpse heart strummed its last beat
And he lay on the mountain, decaying into the soft earth
Feathers, bones and flesh congealing into a silent, calm nothingness
No longer a torrent or a torment stealing my comfort –
Chaining my mind to crucifying nightmares that induced lacy vomited wretchedness –
Growing sorrow that withered newborn seeds of love
I thought that he might love me and eventually lie beside me in deaths peacefulness
Such beauty that drew my heart but such ugliness that broke my spirit…
Why he slowly strangled our chance at a life together is anyone’s guess –
I doubt that even he knows
And so my pain, tears and sorrow mark our grave, and I ask him –
Did you ever love me?
And we both know that although he says “Yes, I’ve always loved you – I love you now,”
Too much damage has been done and it’s too late to believe
Even though he might have finally realized that love is worth protecting
And he is finally, actually telling the truth
The canyons sing our sad love song
Weeping tears tortured in 13 ways
13 Eternal scars upon my abandoned heart
To remember him by

Wormholes

Soothing Silence in the Shadowland

Walking toward your eyes
Beautiful death…
I ignored the inferno that lit the mountains
Brushed your lips with my dreams
My hands caressing your body like it was a sacred scripture
My soul breathing to your dead words
My heart beating for this vacant soul of the damned
Foulness so ugly, the moon wrapped it in pretty
Mesmerizing poetic chaos, words that will endure like your shadow
As it hovers on the back wall long after you’re gone
Your native eyes staring in at me through fingerprinted windows…
Leave me out of your visions –
Stop conjuring my dreams
Twisting my love into pain while you burn down our house –
And I am annihilated as I write your pain
Your unbound, tortured declarations
Seasons that were severed, pulled from your soul
As you stumbled through dark, drunken madness
Beneath a ghost moon, bloated with repulsive confessions that you howled into her belly
There is a cemetery here
But your angel trumpets aren’t blooming yet
Your heart wanders through the garden on the hour, like precise clockwork
As I watch through the window
My strangled, tragic heart the burden of loving you
The devastation of your past on your lips every time we kiss
Begging manifestation… —
You call out from your dreams…
Her name on your breath in a silken lovers purr
Our bed no haven, no blessed slumber; I stand in the corner
Trying to melt into the walls along with my spoiled eyes, my blistered ears – My wordless mouth…
My bleeding mind… why can’t this inferno finish me?
Melting corners on our ghost photographs
Warping tear-stained, lonely poetic words
Choking passion as its thick, demented smoke pours from our windows
While I stand inside
Aching for a glimpse of you… looking for a glimpse of me…
But you will never see through those sutured eyes…

But you’re too busy pacing in the garden…
Your heart wandering through magnetic wormholes
Mistaking madness for angelic, profound love
You glance my way but your eyes don’t see me
I’m just a shadow on your eyelashes
As I beg through the window
And the fire gets hotter, clinging to the walls
Burning our house down

Theater of Sorrows

Beautiful Bitter Winter

You are my Theater of Sorrows
Stairway to madness, twisted, narrow aisles
A stage of grotesque distressed folly
Don’t peek behind the velvet curtains, despite the growling sounds
You’ve turned my mind vengeful against me
Amorous with killing, it seeks my gruesome death –
Distraction by frivolities and debaucheries my only saviors
Intermission frees the demons, storming in like a murder of crows –
Dark totems stalking my sanity; The last act too cruel, even for lidless eyes
My spirit laid barren upon this frozen ground; Cue Poe tears…
And all I hear is the melancholy of this storm, raining ash; I can’t go home
Floating down, it swallows every light that spills through keyholes
Suffocating with false apology. Heaping dead metaphors, clichés and anecdotes
I walk with melancholy, its murmurs turn to grey in the chilly air
This desolation of the mind won’t be weathered like a storm –
You are the winter of my summer, with eyes of sorrow that haunt the hardest of hearts
Here in our womb, the curtains guard our secrets, dark and heavy, moist and yearning…
Ceiling fan blades blur as the air turns inside out
This bed is cluttered with our downfall
Restless roped sheets like nooses, their shadows creeping up the walls
A TV lullaby can’t stop the bleeding. It can’t dull this seething pain
A thousand screams of bitter torment, brutalize your aching head
You’re a ghost haunted by demons, howling out your rage
Decadence is where you wallow, to free you from this cage
And in the dark, our bodies touching; We’re separated by a thousand years
You want to hurt, you want to slice me –
To crush your blinding pain and cauterize your tears
I can’t find my mind, to turn it down. I can’t weave your sour into sweet
Skin hot on skin, but a musky confection won’t make you forget what you’ve lost
But in my insanity I’m the sane one, when the dust has settled and errors litter the floor
You, my love, are the deranged one, crashing into violence, burning all your tears, berating angels
Singing, screaming and wailing, you stuff their mouths with woe
It’s too deep, this chasm… Our bedroom now nothing but a tomb
But you love suffocating – sucking down dark despair and ruin
And you can’t make repairs for all that you steal
In our furor, this firestorm, an indelible truth…
Falling into your lunacy, worshiping your nature, dark and deep, hideous and lovely
These droplets of my blood, flowing from each cut… a sacred map for you to follow –
Like a tribal tattoo
Thick and inky snowflakes when they hit the floor and spread open
Like my heart, no matter your rampage
My spirit a wasteland; I will sweat, anguish and toil through this winter in my summer
Bear this burden with poetic mourning as I right my mind
And should I then be among reason, having soothed the fallen angels that have seared my psyche
Having dredged the demons in gasoline – their yowling be damned…
The Theater of Sorrows curtain comes down