Atomic Number 13

September Solitude Seeking Sutured Seasons

You disturbed my dreams –
Leapt from their shadows like a feral, flaming beast, to become my beloved, wicked nightmare
Howling into the depths of my mind with your morbid, raging, brutal heart –
Your angelic face, turned West, with those obsidian eyes of savage destruction
You bound me to your violence, with that long, flowing hair –
Tethers I looked upon lovingly, that caressed my wrists, while the scissors lay rusting on the bedside table
You murmured poetic words of love
While scanning the horizon for honeyed, absinthe-coated, perfumed petals…
A trail leading you to your past mistakes and misfortunes –
Hollow, brittle, marrow-leeched bones in a sulphur field; What remained of an obscene Loves carcass
But, slithering among the tumbleweeds during the dust storms
A narcissistic shadow
Crouched, moping and pining beneath a monogrammed moon, in the atomic number 13 dead zone
Its foul breath blowing kisses laced with the past toward you, with the teasing lips of a whore
A relentless deluge of candied-graffiti declarations
Trailing poppy filaments to lull you into blissful illusions
Punch through the debris and collateral carnage left in your mind –
Incinerate our fragments before the moon gathered them, sewed them into one with silver thread
Baptized us in her ethereal, filigreed glaze…
And despite your sterilized love meted to me
With wilting forget-me-nots, smooth sheets and clandestine malengine –
Despite smelling that foul stench coming off of the West winds
Tasting its tang on your once clover-sweet skin…
I cannot consume enough of you to catch my breath, to drown this raging wildfire
I am a walking pathology, churning with worms and needles, rust and acid, hopelessness and melancholy
Her shadow swallowing mine –
I am visible in theory, invisible in reality
Deceit rests its hand upon my breast, clawing at my heart –
While she smugly smiles toward the moon where your devious eyes are cast
As your lips spew oddities into my ears –
Cracked porcelain Valentines spilling secrets –
Stained seconds…
I am your for-the-moment
I am my own-best-enemy
I’m working on my illness, but you feed my gnawing addictions –
Have become my precious affliction
Stumbling around in the dark on broken shards of love –
Poppied lies, barefoot fractures, slices and punctures
Your oxidized mathematical emotions –
Bound cold steel, broken, bent and burning
This relentless obscenity calibrated, wired into my veins
As Love…
Searing my soul, chloroform strangulation –
This trial by ordeal of which no lucid lover would want to be bound…
I hope that you leave my dreams before I choke on the pain in my mind
Drowning in the sour…
I get no mercy of death, only the suffering of dying
Wicked spell…
I might just trade Heaven for Hell


Moonbeam Moondream

I’ve written empty layers
That I’ve filled with my own meaning
Dimensions where I’ve lingered
No end and no beginning
I’ve lived simple complexities
Places I was meant to go
Heartbreak swallowed my world at times
Lesson learned? Lesson learned from moonstar ghosts
There has been no rhyme, no reason
Answers that will never have a season
Longing, aching, abyss and vice
Fragrant impressions of your moonflower eyes…
I’ve lost my voice, my hope, my shadow and seams
Painted visions in my dreams
Of a life with endless intervals
Shades and hues and inbetweens…
Where pavement meets the mountain side
Forest, field and river unite
I’ve wandered through silence, particles, and fireflies
Tried to follow their ascending exodus to endless skies
Yearning touching presence
Or am I just imagining?
At times the Universe does acquiesce
And rigid logic won’t take that away from me
Cosmic winters I felt terrified
My bones, my blood wept feral tears
I understand how hard you tried
You never meant to leave me here
Undreamt, unfair, unraveling, obscene
A precipice descent of swift degree
Written words write mysteries
Erase what’s left of the rest of me
Dissonance unwraps my mind
Too much loss to eulogize
I lost myself eventually
From the torrent of pain in this savage sea
Life is feathered with atemporal flames
It knows our glitter, knows our shame
Nuance smooths mordant artifice
Softens time and loss and pain and death…
We do our best with evanescent reality
Paradigm paramnesia pathology
We see the forest but not the trees
I miss seeing you looking back at me…
Bound to fracture, measure, dissipate
I turned the hands back but still was late
Only you know how to unlock the gate
How to wither spirit or satiate
Fire dance in river sky
Traversed weathered realms, roads, and I
Remember the magic in cerulean eyes
And the imperative necessity of succulent goodbyes

Melancholy Binding

Bone Petals

Melancholy spell
On prayer knees, complex and contagious, this murky lover
Nightfall during daylight, stars abandon the sky –
Flickering suicide of silver sliding down the blistering night air
Dusty curtains refuse the dingy world and I smile grotesque longings
Within this honeycomb crypt, scissors and blade dismantle angelic wings –
Cut and slice lacy, eggshell feathers until they’re piled on the sticky floor
Stitch shredded paper to exposed tender armature – strips of worthless words…
Naked dance on the dead grass, calling to twilight seers –
Narrow eyed crows to speak of death with, hissing in tongues unknown in ancient books
Nor written in congealed blood or on cold, smooth stones…
They spill their inky, grim premonitions and tear their feathers
Leave them like a trail of tears… quills to pen shadows onto weathered pages
Mottled grey silhouettes that prey by moonlight –
Slip through mirrors to reveal yesterdays downfall
Curl me into this womb of destruction where I sleep with a lickerous longing for dismal dreams
Of which I have written my desire from veins bleeding contorted tragedy –
Relentless glistening drops from the timeline of my life –
Storming my soul like an angry lover
Deluged until I seek pain in the perversions and desire in the wrecking yard…
Metal bleeding rust, spikes, twisted and curled, pointed, shredded… digging beneath pores…
Carving a craving
That won’t rot on the stalks
Vertebrae germination of the obsessive soul…
Unquenchable lust for the slow, decaying sorrow of what has fallen into obscurity
A hunger for the matte of shadow instead of lyrical linings of resurrection…
Intravenous induction… this sedation potion of twilight delirium
Birthing a ravenous thirst for the crisp, sweet pain of this melancholic wine…
Psalms with mislaid words in the fields where wheat isn’t separated from chafe
Enchantment an archaic disease, illegible in third person distortion –
This terminal condition, emotional disorder, endorphins severed… fixation –
Shaking departure…
Fire fields choking transient sprouting, scorching seeds into soot –
Flakes of desolation floating down like pure, white feathers
Wisps of brokenness, particles of memories like bitter ash at my feet
Freefall of bottomless death
Shapeless forms in the gloom calling with false, lulling lullabies murdered long ago…
Lies that abandoned, led to this detour, this melancholy milestone, murder of mystical twilight
Your apologies are appalling and I am addicted
Ghost tracks in the vintage hills of my mind
A living corpse held together by black ribbons of remorse that I lovingly tie in mordant bows
Suffering eyes beneath a veil stitched with times grizzled disappointments
Lumpy plaster heart, cavities sutured with blue isolation between 3 doors
Smoothed by this dead sea into a willing vessel
There is nothing now but burning for this exquisite anguish crashing into my souls womb –
There is beauty in sorrow, sweetness in pain, forgive me, for I’m in love with every wretched end
I seek no rescue from this grotesque ambiance with its decaying, alluring, musty flowers
You need not understand, nor fear this cadaver garden
There are others in the undertow; I am not alone
I invoke this divine abjection, tear open my veins for the transfusion