Stillness of Grief

This stillness of grief
Like a soft veil caressing my skin
Comforts yet tears – shreds
What lies within
At times I claw
Try to find a way out of myself
Leaving more wounds inside
That have no sound to imply…
This stillness of grief –
Seems a very strange thing
No help from the Universe
No salve to calm the burn
The pain masked behind my eyes
Raining tears down my throat
Still can’t calm the fire –
Smoldering, sooty, rubbly – as I choke
No revision for these words
No voice to be heard
A soft place to land
A blessing and curse
Stealing my lonely breath
Demanding my spirit; acquiesce
As my fractured heart withers like time
My soul forgetting that it’s divine…

This disparagement of love
Cupids arms overwhelmed, exhausted with sorrow
And I; in my grief I dismiss my significance
If I had meaning, or enough meaning
Would this catacomb be a sacred resting place?

This stillness of grief
Is unlike in the past –
Where raging and wailing were thrown from me –
Cast
Through the night and the valley, down walls, over fences…
Unveiling my haunting with no recompenses
Now I lay torn and crumpled, like a leaf beneath a stone
Hope, a ghost – forlorn, dismissed, wandering without a home
Where love should be soft, where love should be sweet
Instead there are barbs, rusted wire gouging me
As my hurt creeps inside this twisted cage crushing my heart
The cherished faith that love abides busted apart
Raging tears form a sea where I wish I could drown
Get lost in this burnt landscape with its sorrow bleeding down
But there’s nowhere to hide, no great escape from loves wounds
Even death won’t end this agony much too soon
This stillness of grief at this moment defines me
It’s all I know, all I feel, all I am… All I see
Turned within, flowing through yet pushed down, deep into –
Where no one else could ever bear to be
Lost although I seek…
This stillness of grief

Pen-itential (Poets’ Apology)

Petals Passionately Perfume Potential Paradise

Here it unfolds…
A thousand centuries within one petal scrolled
Hope among the stars who’ve lost their zest
Dreams captive in my heart have hurtled from my chest
Moonfire sky ignites the stars into chrysanthemum sparklers
I’ve been waiting for something that I never knew I wanted –
And I dive
Into this waterfall of an ancient oceans visions in caramel eyes
There you are…
Strange and dark, stark and beautiful
I fell fast instead of rushing slow
I held Time –
Reached into eternity to steal what was obviously mine
Love’s been murdered constantly by all these poets
Pen their words as if they’re mystics and precious when they show it
Fill our minds with their nicotine mythologies
Glamorizing what they believe was never meant to be
Loves gestation barely ascends before left in sooty ruins
No lovers cosmic coupling, ferocious, fetishised, feral swoons
No latticed lavender elixir running sweet through darkroom arteries
No equinox embalmed souls, eucalyptus twined, and thus –
Graven wounds morose no longer outlive time
Did you send me spirit blooms in the ravens tongue?
Messenger with your eyes, whispering of love and madness…
I’ll plant them in our cemetery garden, beneath the moonstone circle topiaries
I’m so sorry that you didn’t know
I’m so sorry that you told yourself that no one
Would ever want to see your soul
Glimpses of layers, grey into blue
Outlines of shadows in sanguine-tinted hues
Come lay with me on the crest on the hill
Sky of rose-tinted marmalade, light mating with shade
No need to search for further clues
I’ll take your hand right on cue
Among puffy cumulus cloud animals –
I see you

Mange

Wither Wretched Wicked Weed!

Go where the water runs red with my blood
Where the soil runs rust with my bones
To the West, the remains of my fallen dreams, to the East, my deadened soul…
You know what you did
You know who you are
Time has a way of melting the violence but still leaves poisonous scars…
Prayer into dance, knife into skin, salt into wound while the earth swallows screams
Sweet sage tentacles sweeping every inch of my wormwood mind to wipe you clean…
In the hall of infallible mirrors, take off that blindfold, open those guilty, corrupt eyes –
Mange! Mange! The glass reflects the truth; Your professors text of anagrams squeals your disguise
That heart-shaped swamp smeared with rancid deceit, self centered orgies, and cheap, delusional truths
Your spewing mouth deserves a barbed needle and arsenic thread –
Those formaldehyde veins, wasted stone-eyes, toxic stench of hemlock that disturbs the dead…
And now, twisted ruins decaying, mind the carcass of debris
It would be lovely to give you just one taste of what you’ve done to me
All the nuns are running mad
The angels tear their wings in blessed fits while demons dissect hope
You reduced me to a voyeur, hiding behind the curtain with haunted, melting eyes
You sought what is mine with an illiterate mind, but the pages he penned clearly defined –
I am his light, and his dark, his eternal breath –
Loved before time birthed our reflection into existence; Conjured by his thirst for my spirit
Our typescript of paraphed prose a lush novella bound by celestial blood; Pay attention to chapter and verse –
I am his only blessing. I am his only curse
I am indelible centuries and hold all dreams in my lacerated arms –
When there is no faith to oil the hands of time, smooth its aloof, apathetic philosophy…
When there is no charity to lure the moon from her desolate mood
I am insanity methodically wrapped in sane
If I bothered to hate you
If I wasted my time…
It would mean that you meant something to me
When you only meant something to yourself
Squirm in the corner with your straightjacket psychosis
With your insipid, narcissistic, inanimate, detestable soul
Claw the paint from the walls with your tart nails in a dramatic fit
While your foul breath howls, spews your toxic disease –
In an effort to make yourself relevant
The succulent divine will never be your understanding –
No summery absinthe clouds painting animals and daffodils in your sky
Eternal love bound in amaranth laces…
Moon night, moonlight, lipstick kisses trailing down
Cosmic coupling, chemical bondage, fragrant flesh, exquisite derangement
An innate knowing, no mortal or universal force will sever ecstasy dark and beautiful –
These chandelier layers of agony confection
Climatic lust and love connection
Sutured souls held captive willingly; Define Loves reason and its season
Soul eater, anathema… You will never have mine, nor thine –
Your existence is a mediocre nuisance, a pathology to be excised…
I have no remorse regarding your birth; The path to you brought mine to me
Your smoky shadow smudged into the void with no regret –
Cool night air and cigarette amulet; Curls of smoke hearts and poppy stars beneath a twilight sky
Moon tide baptizes me, takes you out to sea…
Lesson learned, lesson learned, have you heard? Wide awake eyes speak in wordless poetry
Loves definition is his and mine alone, and no other one, no other one will come between…
Feral, fetish, exultation, sacred, mystical, transcendental
Deviant devotion, spirit ejaculation, divine ferociousness, luminous sublime
Atemporal Love, its perfume wafting through all dimensions, peculiarities, complexities and time