Rik 1968-2023

Alchemist
Alembic eyes that saw through wounds, truths that few would comprehend
You came to me from the shadows, arms full of specters that you unpacked haphazardly
Tossing them around my sanctuary
Without warning, you led me into the valley of the damned
Stripped me of my church, my cloth, my order, persuasions and devotions
Until I was like a newborn egg; parchment smooth
Shaped me with calloused hands, into a pyre
Then lit me on fire
And I, I flew –
Crow soaring toward raven
Scars stitched to scars with inky thread in an atemporal coupling
Cosmic kiss with you, my beloved Mio
Cerulean cathedral continuum, pendulum of, and between, two souls
Incantatory equinox of moonstone and moonflower
Your tears my water
Your breath my heartbeat
Your words my psychomancy
Your death punching, puncturing my addictions, my afflictions, my dreams, my Eden…

Metamorphopsia
I’m looking through an hourglass of insidious pain
Black feathers arched, wings trying to grip these thorny, roiling clouds
Cigarette smoke a pungent elephantine talisman in this empty house, during this unflinching blue hour
Firewitch am I, full of rage and holy listening for any sign that you are still near
I am languishing among all of this gristle –
And the brutality of all of these damned, festering, lacerating, excruciating poems…
I cannot smudge this vile, writhing wretchedness away
Shrieking at the silence, tearing at my hair, my wounds of madness wailing against this intolerable hell…
I chastise the angels, though they too are suffering the abruptness of your departure
I curse your demons, curse the lies, spit on my love –
Then take it back again
I am choking on remorse and more haggard than any ancient crone
I search for you among the birds, the rivers, fire, air and stones
I bleed my pain, write it down and read it to you like I did when you were home…
And I know that you would understand, that I curse you for leaving me alone
So fierce, so brilliant, so beautifully savage
And now you’ve left me stuck in Wonderland
Trying to make sense of up is down and down is twisted
And fuck the platitudes, and Book of Condolence, and most of all – fuck my wishes
And… all the time in the world won’t. fix. this.
Sticks and stones, tears and bones; I’ll keep my promise – keep your words close
Can you come to me in a dream? Let me know that you’ve Finally. Found. Home?
Nighttime sucks the breath from me
Witchy, tumescent moon is bittersweet
Helps me feel close to you…
Plump, glowing, ripe with knowing
Loving witness to epochs of loss and mourning tears. Now? It’s my turn now to grieve
Send my love to you
Wrap you in its warm cocoon

Dedicated to Richard J. Balog

Brilliantly talented poet, warrior, loved, tormented soul. We all deserve to make our own personal choices. I just wish that you had had enough love and support to have chosen anything else in this world. Anything, anything else. I hope that you are finally at peace. Finally home. 
XXO Siempre.