Drenched

Please note; I’ve used a word in this poem that may be considered vulgar.

The screaming of this deafening silence saves me
Howls over these rabid thoughts of you –
Pour me an ocean to drown this frenzied pain
Feed me a winter storm so numb can deliquate sorrow…
Despair runs down the tainted walls of my mind –
A thousand doors there leading to you, now harboring tattered, dark memories
Asphyxiating my tranquility
Separating our sweetness and mashing it with sour
Long and tangled; like my hair through your fingers, shorn now for the sheer purpose of transcending
Falling silky strands piling on the floor to be tossed away, left behind, unlike your brand upon my skin –
Faithful impressions that I cannot peel away…
I tried burning but now there are sooty outlines and shadows
I tried cutting but now there are raised scars
I cover them with ink and clothing –
Stab at my eyes, refusing wistful glances
Break my bones, rip them from their cartilage… devastating pain to bring me as close to death as possible
To give my mind just one moments distance, one measure of solace from this sinister assailing
A thoughtful exorcism of our love
Not a nightmare, but a dream… to have a new torment to execute the old

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

That we had known sultry warmth beneath the plump, pale moon
Let creamy, luminous rays saturate our naked bodies on the salty summer grass
While we drank our passion with lemon twists and candied cherries
Entwined, enraptured, smitten with whispers, kisses and slippery, sliding skin
But the universe likes to fuck with me
Snippets of love among thorns, muck, desolation and disease
Eating away at my stapled, 10,000 stitches soul –
Anguish pouring from its assaults, a tincture of sorrow, wafting purple-crimson fumes
There is no reprieve, so I dig my own grave
Blistered fingers, broken nails, exhaustion a welcome diversion
Next to the bent wire fence, where the shadows are long and constant, so no flowers flourish –
Dancing like they’re burning when the wind uncurls to lick the sun
The thistles high and plenty; I like the way they bleed syrupy white blood – an agony oozing slowly
Bleaching the ground, enticing rivers that snake their way toward the dead zone
Where I lay my living corpse
You would be pleased that I’m drenched in detailed paintings… every nuance of you
Buried beneath my skin, dormant there
My body a shrine, a parade of monstrosity that needs a pyre
Let me cover my eyes with stardust so the crows will peck them dry
Steal my visions to line their nests, along with their rusty tokens of disbelief and disillusionment
You are the end of my beginning

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

You were my ultimate betrayal
A mirror reflecting myself back to me as I was reflecting yourself back to you, beautiful words and images of divinity
But then the demons burned heaven and the world exploded –
Shattering all the glass