Something a Bit Different II…

There is a custom where canoes in the ocean are paddled into a formation. In silence, leis are placed gently in the water, setting them free. In devotion, hands thrash the water as wailing is offered to the sky. When I was in my thirties, violence tore someone away from me, twice. The second time the loss was permanent. I wrote this as an offering of my pain, acceptance, and understanding that eventually time would erode the bitter and replace it with the sweet. And for the most part, it has. Loss is a shared experience that is unique to each of us. And so, I say – Siempre.

Yearning

I will go there quietly –
To the deep blue water
Although raging deep inside
And I will rest there floating –
Thoughts of you
Drifting with the tide
I will lay your flowers gently
Watch them sway and move away from me
As you have gone, I have gone –
Into this raw cocoon I have withdrawn
And my head bowed, my hands open
I will slap the water with my grief
My hands thrashing, churning
With devotion
My fury at your leaving does not want relief
My palms will crash with fierceness
Against the ocean’s armor
My hands stinging
My heart burning
My whole being… Yearning
This pain won’t be a permanent
Song toward your memory
It will fade to be replaced
By flowing warmth
Eventually
But I reserve the right, in this moment
To writhe and moan, wail and cry
To not give you up so easily
To be incensed by this rending goodbye
To howl like an animal
And hiss like the wind
To scream like a banshee
To curse this place I’m in
And my head bowed, my hands open
I will slap the water with my grief
My hands thrashing, churning
With devotion
My fury at your leaving does not want relief
My palms will crash with fierceness
Against the ocean’s armor
My hands stinging
My heart burning
My whole being… Yearning