Theater of Sorrows

Succulent

I’ve written empty layers
That I’ve filled with my own meaning
Dimensions where I’ve lingered
No end and no beginning
I’ve lived simple complexities
Places I was meant to go
Heartbreak swallowed my world at times
Lesson learned? Lesson learned from moonstar ghosts
There has been no rhyme, no reason
Answers that will never have a season
Longing, aching, abyss and vice
Fragrant impressions of your moonflower eyes…
I’ve lost my voice, my hope, my shadow and seams
Painted visions in my dreams
Of a life with endless intervals
Shades and hues and inbetweens…
Where pavement meets the mountain side
Forest, field and river unite
I’ve wandered through silence, particles, and fireflies
Tried to follow their ascending exodus to endless skies
Yearning touching presence
Or am I just imagining?
At times the Universe does acquiesce
And rigid logic won’t take that away from me
Cosmic winters I felt terrified
My bones, my blood wept feral tears
I understand how hard you tried
You never meant to leave me here
Undreamt, unfair, unraveling, obscene
A precipice descent of swift degree
Written words write mysteries
Erase what’s left of the rest of me
Dissonance unwraps my mind
Too much loss to eulogize
I lost myself eventually
From the torrent of pain in this savage sea
Life is feathered with atemporal flames
It knows our glitter, knows our shame
Nuance smooths mordant artifice
Softens time and loss and pain and death…
We do our best with evanescent reality
Paradigm paramnesia pathology
We see the forest but not the trees
I miss seeing you looking back at me…
Bound to fracture, measure, dissipate
I turned the hands back but still was late
Only you know how to unlock the gate
How to wither spirit or satiate
Fire dance in river sky
Traversed weathered realms, roads, and I
Remember the magic in cerulean eyes
And the imperative necessity of succulent goodbyes

Melancholy Binding

Melancholy spell
On prayer knees, complex and contagious, this murky lover
Nightfall during daylight, stars abandon the sky –
Flickering suicide of silver sliding down the blistering night air
Dusty curtains refuse the dingy world and I smile grotesque longings
Within this honeycomb crypt, scissors and blade dismantle angelic wings –
Cut and slice lacy, eggshell feathers until they’re piled on the sticky floor
Stitch shredded paper to exposed tender armature – strips of worthless words…
Naked dance on the dead grass, calling to twilight seers –
Narrow eyed crows to speak of death with, hissing in tongues unknown in ancient books
Nor written in congealed blood or on cold, smooth stones…
They spill their inky, grim premonitions and tear their feathers
Leave them like a trail of tears… quills to pen shadows onto weathered pages
Mottled grey silhouettes that prey by moonlight –
Slip through mirrors to reveal yesterdays downfall
Curl me into this womb of destruction where I sleep with a lickerous longing for dismal dreams
Of which I have written my desire from veins bleeding contorted tragedy –
Relentless glistening drops from the timeline of my life –
Storming my soul like an angry lover
Deluged until I seek pain in the perversions and desire in the wrecking yard…
Metal bleeding rust, spikes, twisted and curled, pointed, shredded… digging beneath pores…
Carving a craving
That won’t rot on the stalks
Vertebrae germination of the obsessive soul…
Unquenchable lust for the slow, decaying sorrow of what has fallen into obscurity
A hunger for the matte of shadow instead of lyrical linings of resurrection…
Intravenous induction… this sedation potion of twilight delirium
Birthing a ravenous thirst for the crisp, sweet pain of this melancholic wine…
Psalms with mislaid words in the fields where wheat isn’t separated from chafe
Enchantment an archaic disease, illegible in third person distortion –
This terminal condition, emotional disorder, endorphins severed… fixation –
Shaking departure…
Fire fields choking transient sprouting, scorching seeds into soot –
Flakes of desolation floating down like pure, white feathers
Wisps of brokenness, particles of memories like bitter ash at my feet
Freefall of bottomless death
Shapeless forms in the gloom calling with false, lulling lullabies murdered long ago…
Lies that abandoned, led to this detour, this melancholy milestone, murder of mystical twilight
Your apologies are appalling and I am addicted
Ghost tracks in the vintage hills of my mind
A living corpse held together by black ribbons of remorse that I lovingly tie in mordant bows
Suffering eyes beneath a veil stitched with times grizzled disappointments
Lumpy plaster heart, cavities sutured with blue isolation between 3 doors
Smoothed by this dead sea into a willing vessel
There is nothing now but burning for this exquisite anguish crashing into my souls womb –
There is beauty in sorrow, sweetness in pain, forgive me, for I’m in love with every wretched end
I seek no rescue from this grotesque ambiance with its decaying, alluring, musty flowers
You need not understand, nor fear this cadaver garden
There are others in the undertow; I am not alone
I invoke this divine abjection, tear open my veins for the transfusion

Drenched

Please note; I’ve used a word in this poem that may be considered vulgar.

The screaming of this deafening silence saves me
Howls over these rabid thoughts of you –
Pour me an ocean to drown this frenzied pain
Feed me a winter storm so numb can deliquate sorrow…
Despair runs down the tainted walls of my mind –
A thousand doors there leading to you, now harboring tattered, dark memories
Asphyxiating my tranquility
Separating our sweetness and mashing it with sour
Long and tangled; like my hair through your fingers, shorn now for the sheer purpose of transcending
Falling silky strands piling on the floor to be tossed away, left behind, unlike your brand upon my skin –
Faithful impressions that I cannot peel away…
I tried burning but now there are sooty outlines and shadows
I tried cutting but now there are raised scars
I cover them with ink and clothing –
Stab at my eyes, refusing wistful glances
Break my bones, rip them from their cartilage… devastating pain to bring me as close to death as possible
To give my mind just one moments distance, one measure of solace from this sinister assailing
A thoughtful exorcism of our love
Not a nightmare, but a dream… to have a new torment to execute the old

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

That we had known sultry warmth beneath the plump, pale moon
Let creamy, luminous rays saturate our naked bodies on the salty summer grass
While we drank our passion with lemon twists and candied cherries
Entwined, enraptured, smitten with whispers, kisses and slippery, sliding skin
But the universe likes to fuck with me
Snippets of love among thorns, muck, desolation and disease
Eating away at my stapled, 10,000 stitches soul –
Anguish pouring from its assaults, a tincture of sorrow, wafting purple-crimson fumes
There is no reprieve, so I dig my own grave
Blistered fingers, broken nails, exhaustion a welcome diversion
Next to the bent wire fence, where the shadows are long and constant, so no flowers flourish –
Dancing like they’re burning when the wind uncurls to lick the sun
The thistles high and plenty; I like the way they bleed syrupy white blood – an agony oozing slowly
Bleaching the ground, enticing rivers that snake their way toward the dead zone
Where I lay my living corpse
You would be pleased that I’m drenched in detailed paintings… every nuance of you
Buried beneath my skin, dormant there
My body a shrine, a parade of monstrosity that needs a pyre
Let me cover my eyes with stardust so the crows will peck them dry
Steal my visions to line their nests, along with their rusty tokens of disbelief and disillusionment
You are the end of my beginning

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

You were my ultimate betrayal
A mirror reflecting myself back to me as I was reflecting yourself back to you, beautiful words and images of divinity
But then the demons burned heaven and the world exploded –
Shattering all the glass