At Prides insistence I whispered – In the distance You’ll find yourself returning And bit my lip until it bled to halt tears that were burning Gauzy love was blowing in the air While children ran round a fish-shaped fountain And up red mossy stairs… And through my skirt the coldness of the wall Was nothing like the sorrow of the flight of love, now stalled As if they sensed this tete-a-tete was of regret The leaves blew from the trees Floating down and swirling round it seemed in ecstasy And I I longed to touch your face My soul Reeled from neglect and begged for one more taste But while your eyes were lit lamps of concern The flames I used to see for me were now a fire that barely burned And at guilts insistence You said, in the distance You might find the fog was clearing… But that you’d spurned Cupids pomp – Yet it seemed your eyes were tearing… And the heaviness within my heart lurched against my chest But I remembered vividly you said you thought it best And I could try a harlots tricks, but stubborn as you were Painted lips and flirty eyes to you’d just be obscure… I turned my face against an ill cold wind I stood and one last look at you about did me in But love is not, my love, always lovely And sometimes the truth does truly set you free It might take time but I knew I’d find some tranquility And why should I beg anyone to stay who wished to leave? So then, a smile and one last look In deep, dark liquid eyes Funny how we used to share our bodies every night… And now it seemed the frozen ground held an imaginary line – I dared not pass or even smudge As I said goodbye… The children were still playing round the fountain as I walked away They snatched a plump orange goldfish but it made a grand escape I turned around and you were gone, and I wondered if you felt the same – Or if, like me, you were sad to see The death of loves ballet
This bitter moment burns A harsh rising bile, a vicious internal clawing… To taste love; The sweetest saturation Carving blue down my heart as it reveals itself to be a ghost Mourning carried on the brittle air Through bereft valleys of forgotten bones A haunting reverie crushing time with its spindly fingers Searing flesh with its spitting love, sheared of its legitimacy – Tossed into a fire bath – Charred into dust To scatter across miles, spinning into a deluge of cement tears That eventually rust on the tongues of the damned In their moment of reckoning – When their toothless, barbed-wire, open moth-filled mouths Shriek foul throaty epitaphs, coffin memoirs ripe with bitter juices Eyes sewn shut in exile, sulking serpent witch pouts And you will remember; I will as well But we are prophets of poverty; There will be no further stories Of those miles in the rear view, 2am contemplations Wide eyes, love letters, coffee kisses, tattoos Bed sheets tangled, along with long hair Darkness entwined with snow everywhere Madness and cages, cigarettes and rages Sorrow and shadow spilling onto written pages While the crisp winter air burned our lungs and our hopes Until we came unbound in a room full of ropes Until all that we had were glances and silence – Slicing through our hearts leaving more blood than violence To spill from that wine glass you carefully sipped While my mind was reminded of the taste of your lips And how they used to travel all over my skin And melt all my efforts at distance again So that clothes fell away as you stayed your course And again reminded me that I was yours Since long before times brittle shattered illusions Before poetic rhyme etched on firefly wings Before there was conscious and unconscious flame Before there was anything; You spoke my name – Through threaded seasons of lilac-webbed epochs You came for me, to protect what was yours Your wild lions mane and nocturnal warrior eyes – Potent medicine in the glow of the goassamer mist Thick and sweet, like dark cherry wine Your lips an irresistible chloroform kiss Ah, but somehow we wavered and ice and the cold Came out of the shadows this winter… took hold To creep and dismantle, then splinter and burn As we crashed into each other to damage and churn In delusions of passion, we stabbed with dull knives – Tried to glue all our wounds but just bled in reverse While the wine grew moldy and acrid like stained smoke – Filling our mouths with ripples of the perverse Breeding slime beneath our skin that was horrid We reached for each other but the drowning was torrid To ravage our hearts… To tarnish our souls… Once the writhing was done we had nowhere to go And so this bitter moment Loves eyeless ghost A mordicant, corrosive valentine picking at loves withered bones Blood red white wine to choke down as it turns to ashes In our room where the bedposts are tied with worn sashes To eventually rust, to eventually fade – To eventually, poetically disintegrate Until not the smallest trace, even if sublime Is left of two people who loved before time Just a diseased cemetery dripping with sour Where angels sutured to demons are being devoured And fanciful inscriptions written in blood – There’s no fate, no forever, no magical cure No “I’m sorry,” or “Please stay,” as it ends in a blur
Just the sorrowful truth –
Love doesn’t always endure
Backward glances to try and hold time Traces of love in torn poetic pages Coffee-stained teardrops romancing our words What’s done is done, tender scars remain ageless Anguish and regret spilled out in silence Slicing through our hearts leaving more blood than violence Wounds bled in the deception of silence Slicing through our hearts leaving More. Blood. Than. Violence. Love lost in the depths of silence… Slicing through our hearts Leaving
You disturbed my dreams – Leapt from their shadows like a feral, flaming beast, to become my beloved, wicked nightmare Howling into the depths of my mind with your morbid, raging, brutal heart – Your angelic face, turned West, with those obsidian eyes of savage destruction You bound me to your violence, with that long, flowing hair – Tethers I looked upon lovingly, that caressed my wrists, while the scissors lay rusting on the bedside table You murmured poetic words of love While scanning the horizon for honeyed, absinthe-coated, perfumed petals… A trail leading you to your past mistakes and misfortunes – Hollow, brittle, marrow-leeched bones in a sulphur field; What remained of an obscene Loves carcass But, slithering among the tumbleweeds during the dust storms A narcissistic shadow Crouched, moping and pining beneath a monogrammed moon, in the atomic number 13 dead zone Its foul breath blowing kisses laced with the past toward you, with the teasing lips of a whore A relentless deluge of candied-graffiti declarations Trailing poppy filaments to lull you into blissful illusions Punch through the debris and collateral carnage left in your mind – Incinerate our fragments before the moon gathered them, sewed them into one with silver thread Baptized us in her ethereal, filigreed glaze… And despite your sterilized love meted to me With wilting forget-me-nots, smooth sheets and clandestine malengine – Despite smelling that foul stench coming off of the West winds Tasting its tang on your once clover-sweet skin… I cannot consume enough of you to catch my breath, to drown this raging wildfire I am a walking pathology, churning with worms and needles, rust and acid, hopelessness and melancholy Her shadow swallowing mine – I am visible in theory, invisible in reality Deceit rests its hand upon my breast, clawing at my heart – While she smugly smiles toward the moon where your devious eyes are cast As your lips spew oddities into my ears – Cracked porcelain Valentines spilling secrets – Stained seconds… I am your for-the-moment I am my own-best-enemy I’m working on my illness, but you feed my gnawing addictions – Have become my precious affliction Stumbling around in the dark on broken shards of love – Poppied lies, barefoot fractures, slices and punctures Your oxidized mathematical emotions – Bound cold steel, broken, bent and burning This relentless obscenity calibrated, wired into my veins As Love… Searing my soul, chloroform strangulation – This trial by ordeal of which no lucid lover would want to be bound… I hope that you leave my dreams before I choke on the pain in my mind Drowning in the sour… I get no mercy of death, only the suffering of dying Wicked spell… I might just trade Heaven for Hell