Poetry – Page 18 – Theater of Sorrows

Atomic Number 13

September Solitude Seeking Sutured Seasons

You disturbed my dreams –
Leapt from their shadows like a feral, flaming beast, to become my beloved, wicked nightmare
Howling into the depths of my mind with your morbid, raging, brutal heart –
Your angelic face, turned West, with those obsidian eyes of savage destruction
You bound me to your violence, with that long, flowing hair –
Tethers I looked upon lovingly, that caressed my wrists, while the scissors lay rusting on the bedside table
You murmured poetic words of love
While scanning the horizon for honeyed, absinthe-coated, perfumed petals…
A trail leading you to your past mistakes and misfortunes –
Hollow, brittle, marrow-leeched bones in a sulphur field; What remained of an obscene Loves carcass
But, slithering among the tumbleweeds during the dust storms
A narcissistic shadow
Crouched, moping and pining beneath a monogrammed moon, in the atomic number 13 dead zone
Its foul breath blowing kisses laced with the past toward you, with the teasing lips of a whore
A relentless deluge of candied-graffiti declarations
Trailing poppy filaments to lull you into blissful illusions
Punch through the debris and collateral carnage left in your mind –
Incinerate our fragments before the moon gathered them, sewed them into one with silver thread
Baptized us in her ethereal, filigreed glaze…
And despite your sterilized love meted to me
With wilting forget-me-nots, smooth sheets and clandestine malengine –
Despite smelling that foul stench coming off of the West winds
Tasting its tang on your once clover-sweet skin…
I cannot consume enough of you to catch my breath, to drown this raging wildfire
I am a walking pathology, churning with worms and needles, rust and acid, hopelessness and melancholy
Her shadow swallowing mine –
I am visible in theory, invisible in reality
Deceit rests its hand upon my breast, clawing at my heart –
While she smugly smiles toward the moon where your devious eyes are cast
As your lips spew oddities into my ears –
Cracked porcelain Valentines spilling secrets –
Stained seconds…
I am your for-the-moment
I am my own-best-enemy
I’m working on my illness, but you feed my gnawing addictions –
Have become my precious affliction
Stumbling around in the dark on broken shards of love –
Poppied lies, barefoot fractures, slices and punctures
Your oxidized mathematical emotions –
Bound cold steel, broken, bent and burning
This relentless obscenity calibrated, wired into my veins
As Love…
Searing my soul, chloroform strangulation –
This trial by ordeal of which no lucid lover would want to be bound…
I hope that you leave my dreams before I choke on the pain in my mind
Drowning in the sour…
I get no mercy of death, only the suffering of dying
Wicked spell…
I might just trade Heaven for Hell

Succulent

I’ve written empty layers
That I’ve filled with my own meaning
Dimensions where I’ve lingered
No end and no beginning
I’ve lived simple complexities
Places I was meant to go
Heartbreak swallowed my world at times
Lesson learned? Lesson learned from moonstar ghosts
There has been no rhyme, no reason
Answers that will never have a season
Longing, aching, abyss and vice
Fragrant impressions of your moonflower eyes…
I’ve lost my voice, my hope, my shadow and seams
Painted visions in my dreams
Of a life with endless intervals
Shades and hues and inbetweens…
Where pavement meets the mountain side
Forest, field and river unite
I’ve wandered through silence, particles, and fireflies
Tried to follow their ascending exodus to endless skies
Yearning touching presence
Or am I just imagining?
At times the Universe does acquiesce
And rigid logic won’t take that away from me
Cosmic winters I felt terrified
My bones, my blood wept feral tears
I understand how hard you tried
You never meant to leave me here
Undreamt, unfair, unraveling, obscene
A precipice descent of swift degree
Written words write mysteries
Erase what’s left of the rest of me
Dissonance unwraps my mind
Too much loss to eulogize
I lost myself eventually
From the torrent of pain in this savage sea
Life is feathered with atemporal flames
It knows our glitter, knows our shame
Nuance smooths mordant artifice
Softens time and loss and pain and death…
We do our best with evanescent reality
Paradigm paramnesia pathology
We see the forest but not the trees
I miss seeing you looking back at me…
Bound to fracture, measure, dissipate
I turned the hands back but still was late
Only you know how to unlock the gate
How to wither spirit or satiate
Fire dance in river sky
Traversed weathered realms, roads, and I
Remember the magic in cerulean eyes
And the imperative necessity of succulent goodbyes

Drenched

Please note; I’ve used a word in this poem that may be considered vulgar.

The screaming of this deafening silence saves me
Howls over these rabid thoughts of you –
Pour me an ocean to drown this frenzied pain
Feed me a winter storm so numb can deliquate sorrow…
Despair runs down the tainted walls of my mind –
A thousand doors there leading to you, now harboring tattered, dark memories
Asphyxiating my tranquility
Separating our sweetness and mashing it with sour
Long and tangled; like my hair through your fingers, shorn now for the sheer purpose of transcending
Falling silky strands piling on the floor to be tossed away, left behind, unlike your brand upon my skin –
Faithful impressions that I cannot peel away…
I tried burning but now there are sooty outlines and shadows
I tried cutting but now there are raised scars
I cover them with ink and clothing –
Stab at my eyes, refusing wistful glances
Break my bones, rip them from their cartilage… devastating pain to bring me as close to death as possible
To give my mind just one moments distance, one measure of solace from this sinister assailing
A thoughtful exorcism of our love
Not a nightmare, but a dream… to have a new torment to execute the old

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

That we had known sultry warmth beneath the plump, pale moon
Let creamy, luminous rays saturate our naked bodies on the salty summer grass
While we drank our passion with lemon twists and candied cherries
Entwined, enraptured, smitten with whispers, kisses and slippery, sliding skin
But the universe likes to fuck with me
Snippets of love among thorns, muck, desolation and disease
Eating away at my stapled, 10,000 stitches soul –
Anguish pouring from its assaults, a tincture of sorrow, wafting purple-crimson fumes
There is no reprieve, so I dig my own grave
Blistered fingers, broken nails, exhaustion a welcome diversion
Next to the bent wire fence, where the shadows are long and constant, so no flowers flourish –
Dancing like they’re burning when the wind uncurls to lick the sun
The thistles high and plenty; I like the way they bleed syrupy white blood – an agony oozing slowly
Bleaching the ground, enticing rivers that snake their way toward the dead zone
Where I lay my living corpse
You would be pleased that I’m drenched in detailed paintings… every nuance of you
Buried beneath my skin, dormant there
My body a shrine, a parade of monstrosity that needs a pyre
Let me cover my eyes with stardust so the crows will peck them dry
Steal my visions to line their nests, along with their rusty tokens of disbelief and disillusionment
You are the end of my beginning

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

You were my ultimate betrayal
A mirror reflecting myself back to me as I was reflecting yourself back to you, beautiful words and images of divinity
But then the demons burned heaven and the world exploded –
Shattering all the glass