May 2019 – Page 2 – Theater of Sorrows

Drenched

Please note; I’ve used a word in this poem that may be considered vulgar.

The screaming of this deafening silence saves me
Howls over these rabid thoughts of you –
Pour me an ocean to drown this frenzied pain
Feed me a winter storm so numb can deliquate sorrow…
Despair runs down the tainted walls of my mind –
A thousand doors there leading to you, now harboring tattered, dark memories
Asphyxiating my tranquility
Separating our sweetness and mashing it with sour
Long and tangled; like my hair through your fingers, shorn now for the sheer purpose of transcending
Falling silky strands piling on the floor to be tossed away, left behind, unlike your brand upon my skin –
Faithful impressions that I cannot peel away…
I tried burning but now there are sooty outlines and shadows
I tried cutting but now there are raised scars
I cover them with ink and clothing –
Stab at my eyes, refusing wistful glances
Break my bones, rip them from their cartilage… devastating pain to bring me as close to death as possible
To give my mind just one moments distance, one measure of solace from this sinister assailing
A thoughtful exorcism of our love
Not a nightmare, but a dream… to have a new torment to execute the old

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

That we had known sultry warmth beneath the plump, pale moon
Let creamy, luminous rays saturate our naked bodies on the salty summer grass
While we drank our passion with lemon twists and candied cherries
Entwined, enraptured, smitten with whispers, kisses and slippery, sliding skin
But the universe likes to fuck with me
Snippets of love among thorns, muck, desolation and disease
Eating away at my stapled, 10,000 stitches soul –
Anguish pouring from its assaults, a tincture of sorrow, wafting purple-crimson fumes
There is no reprieve, so I dig my own grave
Blistered fingers, broken nails, exhaustion a welcome diversion
Next to the bent wire fence, where the shadows are long and constant, so no flowers flourish –
Dancing like they’re burning when the wind uncurls to lick the sun
The thistles high and plenty; I like the way they bleed syrupy white blood – an agony oozing slowly
Bleaching the ground, enticing rivers that snake their way toward the dead zone
Where I lay my living corpse
You would be pleased that I’m drenched in detailed paintings… every nuance of you
Buried beneath my skin, dormant there
My body a shrine, a parade of monstrosity that needs a pyre
Let me cover my eyes with stardust so the crows will peck them dry
Steal my visions to line their nests, along with their rusty tokens of disbelief and disillusionment
You are the end of my beginning

I wish that we had loved each other like we were going to lose each other

You were my ultimate betrayal
A mirror reflecting myself back to me as I was reflecting yourself back to you, beautiful words and images of divinity
But then the demons burned heaven and the world exploded –
Shattering all the glass

Gears

Riptides, pulling us apart
I reach for him, drowning in this fallow sea
But the bliss has fallen away in this frozen season –
Sorrow so barren that its killed its tears
Still, the clouds cry to the moon
But she hurts too much to care
Disintegrating into a chilly, forlorn sliver
Abandoning our sacred coupling
Her twilight divinity a madness that dizzies the crows eyes
They pick apart our pieces, feathering their nests with our jewels
Leaving our naked wounds open to the elements
Clockwork rolling backwards
Tock tick… tock tick…
Gears grinding against the rust that’s held us together
Metal merging with mist through the cracked glass
The earth rolls left and loves thick liquid pours between tilted dials
Splashes upon the rocks like rubies that won’t feed the impoverished
In crowded spaces of empty rooms words evict meaning
Red pain screams itself into black
Half dead in its aliveness
Writhing anguish, watered into blooming by graveside tears
I see my garish death in your angel face of loathing
We scream our frustration, searching for words to silence words
In this violent incident you drag resignation behind your dented shadow
Storm out into the dead light
Cigarette anger glow beneath shriveled stars –
Their luminosity surgically excised by our serrated tongues
A blunt violation lacking a sterile room
The air is falling – our inebriated shadows cascading starved love…
Swaying down the flawed halls of methodology of the condemned
While the bells exhale silence
The moon blows a kiss goodbye
Then descends through the rutted sky after remorse
That last icicle of light melting into dark fallout
I wish this waste would gag my eyes with dementia –
The lunacy of a happy fool…
Sprout musty mushroom scales inside my heart
Tangle my nerve endings with an arctic ocean
Weave cryptic manifestations into my mind to confuse its agony
So it curls into itself like a sea anemone –
Shut down and armored; Floating on the blue grey brink
But evidence gulps tranquil bliss like a predatory black hole
The gears grind against the rust that’s held us together
A metal sandstorm in the hourglass

Rampage

Please note that I’ve used a specific word in this poem that you may consider vulgar.

The ghosts moved in a few years ago, haunting your soul, and now they’re haunting mine
I’ve watched you disappear into the catacombs of wretchedness
Dissolving into yourself, your thoughts like banshees screeching on bad acid
Your demons have stolen my tranquility, my sacred space
Left terror on my doorstep, howling at the keyhole
My insides twisted, gnarled… hellhounds circling, my spirit chewed up and eaten by this rabid plague –
It retches blood, splattering the walls like teardrops, my sorrow too deep for an ocean to hold
A slow, torturous death right in front of you
But you’re too occupied with your rage –
Holding it tight like a lover
Tasting it with your ravenous lips, caressing it with greedy fingers, entering it with a lascivious thrust…
To take notice of my anguish
How my pale spirit weeps
How it whispers the low, mournful ballad of despair
Disheartened visions of itself, somber, hopeless, exhaling your name upon its tomb; Sacrificed –
By your brutal need to burn, vaporize the shrill, deafening distortion, pollution, madhouse –
The mind fuck that flashes RED behind your combustible, deluded eyes
This meltdown into the pit of the damned… your solitary confinement… incarceration…
There aren’t enough tears to put out this fire
No begging, no pleading, no ideal apologies carved in blood, whimpered in agony, conjured through sorrow –

Expelled with a last breath

Will appease the demon you’ve become
You gorge on discontent, suck it down, rub it in your festering wounds
Agony an elixir; This bitter intoxication, writhing poetic justice, retribution unedited –
Has become your holy grail
Words and letters scattered in blood and ink, dripping off of pages, fading syllables of truths and lies
Penned in fury, bewilderment, ravishing sorrow. Atonement sewn into each fibrous page
This catharsis only a sabotage, a mirage that you will come to grieve, suffer during the Dead March
As the demons unleash a ravage of malice, extract the sweet from the aftermath
To turn it into sour
This massacre of your spirit
Has become the massacre of my own
Sentiments, affections are pointless when the bones have already been buried
And your eyes are vacant –
Emptied long ago, the crows too late to scavenge
Spring is the season of my discontent
You plow my carnage, till the clotted, toxic dirt and sow my suffering
The seeds need planting but I’m mangled, dying in pieces, strewn over this rotting, desolate landscape
You bring no water for my thirst, murder the sun to hoard your beloved darkness, and I wither, while
You write words that lure your mind into turmoil and your mind writes words that lure you into betrayal
Fractured, like a crumbling David, you fall in pieces into your miserable, illogical obsessions
Battered by raining nightmares, you writhe and lash, ride headfirst into the fumes on a snorting beast of torment
Ruptures of words, thick and heavy, contorted meanings, shape-shifting specters, contaminated assaults –
Damage what remains in your head
And I am left behind, alone to erase what I can’t see in the dust
I long to ease your brutalities with the soft shadings in my heart –
Turn these impotent tears into a rushing river; Wash away your misquoted humanity
Bring your fragrant dreams back to you
Return to your brilliant eyes the stars, wrapped in moon glow
Your pain has such depth that my bones shift and ache, leave me
Begging for breath, rest, shelter and visions of Times enduring healing, but you remain
Lost to me, to seasons, to the simple and sweet, to the loveliness of being, to the sacred… to yourself
You rampage