Wrecked awake

Snowy Stream Skimming the Subconscious?


Gathering my energy
Histories frames illustrate that I need ritual at my table
A feast to stop the lingering and rotting
To inhibit the dying and halt the death
Strange doesn’t indicate insane, but I’m not sure where I am
I thought my definitions were crystal fireflies and amethyst dragonflies
Tilling the soil in my soul
But an ill wind has pelted me with an acrid desert and I admit that I’ve damned my own river at times
With my mortal, deceptive, checkmate sentiments, etching sharp cornered boxes that I cut myself climbing in to…
I’ve tried to scoop the stars into my blessing bowl –
Stir their soft, unwavering vitality into my emptiness
Harness the moon, bathe in its crisp, generous, purifying beams
But the tide has ebbed and hope has settled into twilights camouflage
Shadows and dust, grime and rust, present and past, and thus
Beneath frozen ground, crocus and memory feel like velvet crushed
Timeline unravels like twine; Fraying lengths of lethargy and apathy…
We slide through eons like glowworms, interpret and invent ourselves, our epitomes, between our highs and lows
We hunt and gather a montage of whispers, hums, thoughts, beliefs, voicings –
We become
But this biting, frostburn winter has come among my travels, and among the debris I have lost my pith, my flame –
My scorch
Laudanum dreams might inject some warmth into the spirit of this place –
This institution of empty puppets, their layered, paper mache strips of faded letters, extolling yesterdays presence –
Extolling yesterdays presents… those dusty, pasted pieces shape bone, and limb, and holes; Vacant eyes of the dead
Chew up the ruby fire which exists in all lifetimes of clockwork dimensions, gnash and pulverize its shimmer…

As we rush from one time to another, chasing our breath and the sanity in our minds –
Smoldering embers can be stirred into fire
Over infinite rehearsals, we create vast valleys, to traverse whenever we reach into the echoes of ourselves
Where the sacred speaks –
Stones, blaze, smoke, haze; Symbols that weep, that rise or seep; Uncover and steep…
This crust, with a gentle boot nudge, cracks open a channel
Where have I gone?
I’ve caused my own slow death
Distance has not impressed the ghosts of my tender age
Yet held close to my heart a safer place –
I wish that scars could be strung on silken thread
To wear like pretty things, but take off and lay aside when tender spots ache
Fling into a corner or set upon the sill of an open window –
For the crows to carry away and churn into shiny totems
To make, for just one moment, shattering tragedies into things with enough purpose
That the pain, shame, isolation would melt into the ground…
I’ve walked where normal made you strange
Which haunted all of my ghosts nefariously
The pieces may never fit exactly again
But I refuse to have a love affair with regret
I am my indifference against incompetence
I am my psychology, philosophies and treasons –
A whirlwind charging into the seasons
I ask myself “What conclusion did you expect from your course of action?”
As I attempt to solicit the juice from immeasurable reasons
Staying one step ahead of myself seems a potent intrusion –
It extracts the softness from falters and hindsight
Renovates the myths of this breakdown
Into the mystical of a breakthrough
I am a compass
I am a bridge
I am my own thoughtful measures

Sunshine through the window dapples the walls with flower shadows
Fall is unfolding into winter, and wistful arms wrap me in a contemplative cabaret
To cavort, in a mad feast of affection for the miseries and the revelries
Lick the bitter from the wounds
Savor the sweet teasing my lips
Like grapes left late on winter vines become ice sugared wine to sip
And I can feel the lulling weight of anticipation, a divine opus sprouting in this desert in my soul
Beneath a frosted rubenesque moon
I smile

Thine

Significant Stall Sign Sincerely Savored

I stepped through it… guarded footsteps sliding through the grey-black, filmy veil –
Wordless, breath in slow reverse, heart drumming to soul dancing… A meeting of self, and… Spirit…
It was a dream I’d tried to capture for a thousand celestial moons –
Drag with me through the hazy, fuzzy, viridian fog of moonlight visions becoming mourning evaporations –
Mirrored in sleepy pupils; Achromatic soft skeletons, too flimsy to contain such an exquisite rapture
This dimension of infinite softness, like an angels wings, wispy unfurlings, come to cloak me in myself…
The sempiternal knowledge that…

-Truth is not a fact. It is a theory, born from a singular experiencer of an experience –

An undreamt treasure; The supercelestial recognizing that this is the circular essence of my being –

And

All Roads Lead To Home…

And eventually all human matter falls away –
Skin from bones, blood from veins, mind from brain, breath from lungs…
Ashes in the bittersweet wind; a molasses spiral toward heaven, gossamer flakes of what will become –
And what has been…
A metal circle in spiral –
This unyielding cage spitting time into softness where our bones finally rest, as the metamorphosis begins –
A dilution… of errors, grievances, harms, all shades of weariness and corruption –
These things have gone, carried away in gentle arms of the compassionate weeping; dahlia archangels
Carried away, over the river of tranquility by graceful Luna moths fluttering; Hush… hush…
Let the sky cry with the brokenhearted. Let its thunder drown their pain.
Let it all fall away
Look into your own eyes, witness the unfolding of your rusted mysteries, of your silvery starlight…
Come to me my sweetness, my darling, my beauty –
Imperfect perfection
Perfect imperfection
Jeweled adornment bursting into hypnotizing flame, rutilant wildfire; Myself… Spirit… united… Thyself –
Thine
This undreamt heaven a silky, pillowy kiss, nuzzling my heart to beat, urging my withered eyes to dream…
The mechanics, a blueprint not necessary so much as the will to open the triangular doors of the soul
Let heavens filament in… its gentle, silvery strings wrapping round your being…
To transcend
To birth new breath
To inspire new stars
To whisper against your ear, like a lovely lover
This… is yours… who you are when the membrane is pulled away…
When all cartilage between light and shadow tears, fractures, to repair the brutal dissection of yin and yang
Diaphanous, celestial fusion becomes, is all, tangible and intangible –
A fragrant abstract… consummated into

Wholeness

Ever yours, despite distance and dimensions