My mourning gown My stinging undoing A wreck, ruined and breathless As my lungs insist –
This firesong was ours without a doubt Hearty passion, intuition, entered at our own volition Look through my seasons Look through my eyes Onto the parts of me that no one else should ever see Onto the pieces that should be left to obscurity Douse the melting flame With breath and touch and gasoline – With lips and mouth and quarantine – Where starched sheets tangle, like our legs As kiss becomes one spark to flame Within thin walls pressed ears could obtain Soft moans, in peaks of cherished pain Reckless marks on tender skin Taste so sweet they should be sin And mortal, crimson petals bleed Passion purring rhapsodic need Velvet smooth against the rough To singe so sweet never enough
And in my mind I live to dream Of angel wings we laid upon, as over skin our fingers crept til dawn – Fingers drenched in the sweet obscene That, after pulse and breath did still Did hold filter-tipped to our delighted lips Bleached, thin strips, of menthol flavored nicotine
Into your eyes I remember; I fell unbound Silent, sweet, searing sound To fade, to die as mortals do These lips immortalize what was true
My mourning gown My stinging undoing A wreck, ruined and breathless For what no longer does exist
You were in the midst of your demons, stumbling drunk on confusion and rage I had taken on tragedy, tied it up and put it in a cage The sea in your eyes was crashing Battering, bruising and foul I was swept up into that miserable pain; Cyclone Wondering what I was going to do now You were the web spinner of discontent, flailing lament and chaos so savage it devoured its own meaning I was an inkblot out of proportion, a lonely distortion, and despair drenched in so much blue, it leaked into my shadow We fed each other our mysteries, murdered simple solutions trying to fit the pieces Your nails, staples and razor wire heart didn’t speak in my tongue But modern love bores me with its fraying before fully flourishing And I knew who you were beneath the webs that you’d spun – Beneath the fallout from betrayal, from the most selfish, cruelest deeds That left you a cut, bled, empty scarecrow lying facedown in the witchweed… It took a relentless, thousand mile wilderness trek with magnifying glass schematics To recall those first breathy exposures that we left mildewing in the attic – Those lips scorching new paths by the moons creamy illumination That cast out archival wounds and tiers of paraffin woe, melting once again Fire dance, flames that fly, shooting through a ferris wheel sky I thought that we could, but now the only question is… Why? Now with nowhere to belong No lasting impression, despite dragging my shadow to every sunlit wall And so the suffering… the corn rots on the stalks, sucked dry of its juices by the baking sun As am I, wasting away, parched and brittle from drinking an illusion all wrapped up in prettiness Spitting dirt, my bones shallow, disintegrating, falling into themselves, weeping… dust… My heart feasting on brittle duplicities Meanings have no meaning but we pile them up, create teetering monstrosities Sorrow and tragedy speak in obsidian hues I’ve never seen beautiful until you I’ve never known lonely could soak into my bones Leave me writhing, begging and screaming to be left alone I breathe but yet can’t catch my breath I wonder, am I awake or am I dreaming yet? We were a wildfire storm that chewed up a lilac-frosted sky And I’ll never regret what others will never understand Your name a wistful memoir on my lips – On the brink, like an hourglass sucking down sand When I recall how we decapitated muse and utopia Reckless and colliding like a magnitude 13 We notched fouls and madness, crashed and burned Set flame to the laudanum after we doused it with gasoline Thus this catastrophe that I have become – I dream hopeless gasps instead of tender sighs Wandering through a landscape of charred, lonely ruins
Blue swallowing love Begging, what, my dear heart, were we thinking of?
She mentioned he was flawed but I saw it in her eyes That hunger which replaced her common sense at times Didn’t matter he was wanting, so long as he was wanting her Just call her Miss Dysfunctional and paint her past a blur I tried a bit of reasoning – Said remember James and Tim? And Louie, Bill and Keith, and how each one left you grim? She agreed, that certainly, they all had been huge disasters… But you can’t remove your heart and fill that empty hole with plaster I told her lessons learned would save a lot of time and grief And she, in her witty way Said Love is like a thief And this boy has found his mark and wrung me out and wrung me through And love is just too powerful, and there’s nothing I can do… I shook my head After all these years I knew dread – That I’d be mopping up her tears This circus full of giddy fools Their big clown-head smiles full of drool… Oh my friend, come conquer this Can’t you see I’d be remiss To let you drive your tiny car from clown to clown in every bar? Their empty eyes and cotton candy flowers Should warn you that their love will rot your empty heart in a few hours Those slick white gloves that hide their claws… Which amaze you with tricks, to which you ooh and ahhh… This ain’t no elementary school fire drill, and you, my girl, have had your fill No more clowns in your tiny car – Leave them lounging at the bar Their confetti drinks and big black shoes – Next to the beds of other fools… She thought a bit and then she smiled Said – The right guys never been my style This big tops got to have one dressing room with a star I sighed, wondering… How many clowns can you fit in a small car?