Spasms

Slipping into Silent, Sempiternal Slumber

Howling, rabid emptiness chases the velvet night into a wildfire
Like the tall meadow grass is set to flame, when a wildebeest races across it, and coal-flung hooves collide
Clack spurs breeze spurs spark; Ignite…
And you, you seek refuge from your demons in this industrial, urban cave
Lean over the dark-stained, diamond-patterned, leather-clad and red velvet bar
Fidgeting fingertips drumming contemplative brooding into the stale air
Amaretto sour in a lowball, like a smooth, solid paperweight cupped in your caressing palm –
There was a time, in your glazed reverie… a warm, solid breast cupped in your caressing palm…
Oh those starburst eyes, spun from star-death kissed dreams, engulfed in yesterdays closely held far-aways –
Those young, ripe aspirations, like invincible silver-screen tutti frutti morsels
Almost turned the mountains to gold
And now, reconciled and bored; You pull at frayed, tender threads
Ply the mocking hands of fate with slurred quotes from unfinished poems that tremble
As you recount needle-sharp trials, that left clichéd burnt dreams rife with ghost souls –
The aftermath of cruel, crushing disappointments
It doesn’t actually matter how you got to here
To this here; sitting at this bar, belly warmed by this Italian-crafted aphrodisiac that melts the webs in your mind
Lets your skin breathe and loosens the macraméd bondage of your tongue
Until there are no walls, no blurs nor lines to censor the blunt within your words
You consider that while you are typically congenial; Blunt will do just fine at the moment
As into the liquor-fumed air you direct your attention toward fates tyrannical existence
Launch a stern admonishment to remove its sadistic tentacles and reacquaint past with present –
The babies breath with the lamb
Reignite the tingling anticipation you once felt up and down weathered and stiff vertebrae seams
Fill your head with origami clouds that spin your mirages into jeweled wings
Which carry your shoe-boxed reflections, metaphors, notions and half finished creations
Into this current, resigned, vanilla existence
Carve the dim air surrounding you into the dazzling fireworks that swirl through your imagination
Like the wheel of life nailed to that stubborn tree in the corner of the yard
Its spinning needle spitting sparks that heat your blood –
Snap your gloom like crispy bones
Burn into your skull, to relieve the pressure that your contorting fingers can’t massage away –
Husk that ritual, of fingers to temple, that provides an impotent mute at best, of the riotous, tolling spasms that throb
Or at least maintain some semblance of mediocre pain between the fingers and the booze…
It’s funny how no one knows your name
You’re like a smeared chalk outline on the wall
But your face kind of resembles someone that someone thought they saw somewhere, some time ago
You suppose that’s better than nothing
And return your attention to the molten liquid that loosens clenched vocal chords
Considering that possibly no one would think you sane if your lips moved in an attempt to scold demons
Despite those same cynics revering a faceless, bodiless specter called karma –
Of whose evidence you’ve never witnessed, and whose name you’ve spat toward hell
However, you have wintered with fate, its stingy, cruel, decrepit fingers twisting, squeezing your hand
Dragging you into its bone yard of the puppeteered forsaken
Where it climbs on the backs of demons, its egg-sized, wobbly eyes and arthritic claws digging beneath their thick skin –
It goads them to suck the juice from lottery ticket souls until they wither into shrunken tombs
To harbor nothing more than disappointment, faded eyes and sawdust…
Demons have known you well, dwelling in your mind, and in your house
You’ve seen them creep from behind the curtains
Seen them drag their dead limbs across the room when sun dust settled and the shadows fell
Heard the bed groan as they climbed in beside you
Hissing, yammering creaky-breathed soliloquies about a wasted world
Hammered into your pounding head lotus dreams unfolding 13 years of nightmares
Where crow, feather, beak and bone foretold that this apocalypse was your Everest, and –
“Another?” disrupts, returns the present, so you study your glass in its knuckled perch
And decide that there comes a time when fate must learn that you’ve had your fill
“Whiskey, neat, I’ve had enough of the former,” you remark, as you conclude that we each have our own demons
Some haven’t entered battle yet, some have already lost, some are still putting up a fight, while some have won
And insane can be a lovely distraction; You’ve no quarrel with her allure
So they can be damned, with their pointy fingers and clucking tongues, you think
But now, it’s time to scoop up hell and send it raining down
While you stand firmly on the ground, and on the brink

Poet

Mesmerizing Mauve Membrane

I’ve been pacing in my shadow
I’ve been killing all my poems
Walking the words backward
In this valley of the bones
There’s no subtle way of leaving
Spongy walls of blue despair
Carve the feeling of your distance
Deep into this static air
I’ve been sensing my own murder
Since my grief is running mad
And it’s ripping up my memories
Like they’re just a current fad
How to shake all of this dust off
Is, in truth, anybodies guess
I’m all alone despite my own company –
In this existential mess
Tried to extricate my lack of meaning
Although I loathe this absurd need
To form words into some semblance of beauty
Some sense of fleeting dreams…
A kaleidoscope in motion
Yet my souls a wordless ocean
Time is sinking quickly into
Hopeless sands of my corrosion
I’ve been acting like a cliché
Stuck and drunk in my debris
Wallowing in rootlessness
Since my words have deserted me
An empty, undone poet
Spewing misery that turns this dim air blue
I’ve no more words, and thus no voice, no soul
Just this cup of bitter brew
Damn this vile inconvenience
That’s erupting in my chest
Until my mouth is spewing
Consonants of emptiness
All you specters, all you demons
Now you’re hiding under veils
You’re such narcissistic dwellers
When the pains not up to scale
Where’s my sweet, sad, sullen song?
Where’s my moody blue impression?
Even though my fingertips are bleeding –
I’ve no poetical confession!

At my desk, leather scent of tomes heavy in the air
Beyond the window; I’ve searched the sky for weighty words
Dreamt that I could countless times move souls
To the extent that they might rejoice or weep, or deeply yearn…
But I lament I’ve failed to paint the endless sky
With bridges leading to my beloved shades of greys and blues
Oh, just to hold a pen that once again leaks inky words of lonely, morbid woe
There is nothing that I wouldn’t do

Wretched Things

Cold Concrete Crawling with Creatures

The crows circle this turbulent air, amethyst clouds puffy with beautiful decay
Wretched things puking debris
I don my collar of discontent, a silky black feathered rosette
Heavy rejection comforting my weary head
I’m remiss, in this pain… no collecting all these morbid thoughts
There is no room for loveliness here
In this foul, sadistic atmosphere, where even the demons are haunted
As they spiral down into the rabbit hole
To find oblivion in new volumes of misery –
Sinking further into ooze that crawls with lamentations
Specters poeticizing about woe and death
In smoky caverns, where worms are murky, their fleshy bodies distorted with weeping thorns
From feasting on acid rain
Do not touch their prickly, venomous armature against your skin
Or suffer the corrosive nature – how your flesh falls away, layer by layer, melting… peeling…
To remind you of your brevity
That various degrees, depths, altitudes, latitudes, dimensions exist within this circle of chaste collapse
Its riots, disequilibrium, firestorms –
Char chemical gardens, leaving gnarled, twisted, bent ruins
Jagged hieroglyphs of mysteries bursting with answers that carve questions
Since before origins were painted… then written…
Since before the dirt was marked with bones of sorrow
Since before death was anointed with sinister distortions
There is no moon tonight, just a violent, cerulean hole, sucking in water and spitting out dust
There is no magnet to pull the stars from their sockets –
Lure the moon from her bitter sabbatical
Feast on these hideous and lovely precious things
This is no midnight collaboration
But through the earths crust, doused with stones and weeds; A pod resting, blossoming petals tucked away
Splits, sprouts and climbs, its gangly vine curving and slithering like a calligraphic love letter
Defying curses, afflictions and pestilence
Tender leaves scratch, poke at the dirt; Peek out
Quell lifes indiscriminate brutalities
An innate knowing
That eternity unwraps time from its sedated follicles
The sun will soon be gliding across the sky, bees calling, butterflies playing
Flowing into lifes elemental atrium
But momentarily
The sky lurches and rumbles, cracks and hisses its icy, rancid breath, painting a frigid emptiness…
Sometimes the blue can feel like drowning…
Sometimes the blue can feel like dying…
Some day will tears fall from the eyes of someone crying
For me?
Ducking beneath its soil blanket –
Tunneling back into the moist, warm earth; waiting patiently to bloom, to thrive
There is no pinched stalk here, no waxen leaves nor wooden determination
Just a gentle hum, a tranquil momentum; A Picasso blue beautifully lulling a gentle patience
To drift, to dream
The place, the space, the ripe moment will unfurl, and in the meantime –
To sleep until the moon returns